This little monster from the past is better than any guard dog.

Straight from the man-eating-plant-heyday of the Late Paleolithic Era, the Prehistoric Guardian Fern has been successfully transported into the present, bred, and domesticated into the perfect gatekeeper for your lair or fortress.

Suggested Use: Place fern(s) around the perimeter of the area to be guarded. Water. The Prehistoric Guardian Fern is now alive and will eat anything within its reach.

WARNING: The Prehistoric Guardian Fern will kill weed killer.

Finally, a travel-sized forcefield of invincibility. Never be without one again!

Working electrical outlet required.

Tired of the way something looks, smells, or behaves? With one of these babies in your
secret lab, you won't be for long.

The Nakayamashi Matter Transformer (patent pending) is the first all-purpose compact transmogrifying system available. With its removable blade assembly for easy cleaning and space-saving counter-top design, the Nakayamashi Matter Transformer is sure to transform your laboratory into a haven of efficiency and charm. And while larger transmogrifying systems suffer from durability, sub-atomic processing, and genetic mutability problems, the Nakayamashi Matter Transfomer is 100% guaranteed to perform exactly as indicated.*

25 FACTORY PRESETS GET YOU STARTED IN NO TIME! Presets include:
-Bigger (2X, 5X, 10X)
-Smaller (1/2X, 1/5X, 1/10X)
-Quieter
-Cooler-looking
-More supportive


*for 90 days from time of purchase

Supplemental gravity is recommended for outer-galaxy travel, for neutralizing anti-gravity, and for endowing things you say with depth and solemnity.

One gallon can.